Author: Dawn

Trauma Triggers

Trauma Triggers

Posted on by Dawn

One thing I’ve noticed over the past couple of years is the number of people throwing around the word “triggered”, often in relation to speaking of “snowflakes”. I understand the mockery and lack of concern for those whom these people think are weak and whiny, but the word triggered is also used by those with ptsd and other traumas from their past that they are still dealing with. And many of these people are not ‘snowflakes’. These people have been to hell and lived to tell about it.

Sometimes it’s a topic, a name, a sight, a smell or a sound that is the trigger, and it usually has something to do with the act of trauma the person experienced. When something triggers the traumatized person, they are often forced to relive the trauma in their minds, or even in their bodies. Soldiers may react to fireworks that remind them of being shelled in the war. Talk of child abuse might be a trigger for someone who survived it. Church might a trigger for someone who was abused in a cult. A woman I know is triggered by the smell of cherry blossoms because of a sexual assault she experienced years ago. When these folks are triggered, the fears and memories of unhealed trauma come flooding back and can make it hard for them to cope in the moment. Some of these people have experienced abuse and horrors we cannot even begin to comprehend, and they deserve our compassion, not ridicule. Even the snowflakes because, can you really know what they have experienced or what trauma they are dealing with? Maybe some people don’t deal well with life because they’ve had it harder than you their whole lives but are still surviving despite lacking the skills needed to get past their past.

The reason I’m writing about this today is because out of the blue this morning, I read an article that ended up being a trigger for me, and found myself in tears about something that happened so many, many years ago. People who’ve been traumatized carry a little piece of that hell inside, and despite building a thick armor around it, those pesky triggers can be like kryptonite and blast through to that painful spot. This is why I advocate for being kind, always. You don’t know the hell, big or little, that other people carry in their lives. And if you have people you love in your life, I encourage you to be a safe person for them to be their true selves in your presence and a safe person to confide in. Those hells are a lot easier to bear when people are kind and our loved ones trustworthy enough to help carry our burdens.

What Will You Choose?

What Will You Choose?

Posted on by Dawn

I got some news the other day that came like a gut punch. The longer I thought about it, the more worried I became. To the point that I found myself hard pressed to hold back tears several times a day. I even said to my hubby, I’m not sure if it’s fear or I’m just having a great big pity party. Both of those emotions are pretty rare for me at this point in my life.

Something happened during the night that flipped a switch in my emotions. I have a prescription for a drug that helps me sleep. I rarely take it and if I do, I take a half dose. The reason being that the full dose gives me nightmares and the added bonus of sleep paralysis, which is a scary thing to have happen. You wake up and your mind is conscious but your body is not under your control yet. It only lasts a few seconds but you’d be surprised at how freaking long those panicky seconds seem while you seemingly cannot open your eyes or move a muscle. When this happens, I usually make a point of trying to make noise, attempting to yell but those paralyzed vocal cords can’t do much more than utter a gutteral moan. I do this until I have control of my body again. Even though I took a half dose, the sleep paralysis happened anyway, so I fought to make those vocal cords work and try to scream. The sleep paralysis then broke, at which point I hopped out of bed, and I was mad. I hate when this happens! But I had done what I could to fight against the sleep paralysis until it no longer had a hold on me. It then occurred to me that I could choose to fight against the things that were currently upsetting me. I can choose to pity myself or I can choose to be proactive and fight to remedy what’s wrong. Way to channel your anger, Dawn! *pats self on back*

This morning, I woke up in a better mood than I’ve been in since the bad news and I’m determined to choose positivity and to do the things I can to mitigate the trouble.

A preacher once said that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

Your power is in how you choose to respond. So I choose to meet this challenge head on, kicking a$$ and taking names. Beats a pity party anyday! 😉

Sitting with Your Feelings

Sitting with Your Feelings

Posted on by Dawn

Life is busy for many of us. I , for one, have been working 50 hours+ per week for almost two months because my side businesses are really taking off. I love the work, but when you’re so busy, things like self-care slide off your radar because there’s so little time to devote to it. Has anyone ever been guilty of that? *raises hand* One thing that we ought to do but sometimes don’t make time for is sitting with our feelings.

What do I mean? Let’s say something transpired that offended you, saddened you or made you angry. Often, our reaction to such things when life is busy is to suck it up and go on. The result? Those feelings are bottled up and leak out here and there as impatience and snippiness, usually unleashed upon those who didn’t deserve to be treated in such a way. Maybe you’re like me and these feelings come to the surface in the night and make it hard to go back to sleep. The solution is pretty easy, though.

Take the time to sit with your feelings. Remember the incident that caused them. If it made you sad, go ahead and feel the sadness and even release some tears. One almost always feels better after a good cry. If you were made to be angry, go ahead and give vent to the frustration, either as furiously writing in your journal or even yelling into a pillow (not necessary if you live alone and the windows are shut). If you were offended, search yourself as to why what was said touched a nerve. Sometimes we are offended with good cause. Sometimes it is a misunderstanding and if you never examine those feelings, that misunderstanding might never be rectified.

Some feelings are uncomfortable and may even hurt and we are all guilty of trying not to feel them sometimes because, you know, they’re unpleasant. But what is even more unpleasant is stuffing them down and being somewhat on edge without really knowing it.

There is much we can all learn about self-care, and sitting with our feelings is one lesson that can help clear your mind, help you process those feelings and move on from a place of sadness or anger to a better frame of mind!

Sometimes People Deserve a Second Chance

Sometimes People Deserve a Second Chance

Posted on by Dawn

I was thinking the other day about how I used to be and how far I have come in the last 15 years. If someone were to judge me according to my old self, I would want them to know I am not the same person that I was. I wasn’t a bad person, per se, but I was pretty messed up in my thinking and I had low self-esteem and many of the troubles that go hand in hand with that.

But I have healed a lot, set up boundaries and began thinking for myself instead of parroting what others had told me all my life. I’m pretty confident, creative and I have many projects on the go at any given time. I’m loving life in a way I didn’t before. Why? Because I found myself and dedicated myself to trying to live authentically.

What does this have to do with people deserving a second chance? Well, I’ve gone on at times about how it’s ok to turf toxic people from your life. Most toxic people don’t ever grow enough as individuals to overcome their toxicity. These ones don’t deserve a second chance. But sometimes, even when someone has done you serious wrong a long time ago, they aren’t necessarily the same person they were back then. And I realized that there is a person or two on the fringes of my life that have done some soul work and grown up a bit that maybe do deserve another chance.

It just kind of dawned on me (pardon the pun). So I had a little think about it and realized that if I can make a profound change in my life, so can others. Navigating relationships can be so tricky. People’s perceptions are often to blame for misunderstandings. We all view the world through our own filters and don’t always see things for what they truly are. And because of this, someone from our past may have changed but our old hurts and opinions get in the way of seeing that. In my case, there is someone in my life that has changed for the better but I didn’t allow myself to see it because of past issues. I would certainly want another person to give me the benefit of the doubt now that I’ve changed for the better. So that’s what I’m doing for this person. Because I’m pretty sure that sometimes, people do deserve a second chance!