Two very notable dates occurred this week.

My dad passed away on March 29th.

Today, April 1st, is my sister Jennifer’s birthday, the first one since she passed away last fall.

It’s been a challenging week, to say the least. Dad had been hospitalized for three weeks prior to his passing. He kept saying he was getting a little better day by day, and this past Sunday, he really thought that he had turned a corner and was on the mend. In retrospect, it was more likely an end-of-life surge or rally, where a patient feels much better for a few hours or a few days, only to very quickly decline and die.

Dad’s death came as a shock, as I think many in the family believed (or wanted to believe) that he was getting better. Sadder still was the fact that he declined so quickly that he passed away before we could get there to say our goodbyes.

I was supposed to give a talk about Jennifer’s cancer journey and her decision to use medical assistance in dying this weekend, (now obviously postponed), and while creating the Power Point presentation I was going to use for my talk, I found myself going through old photos of Jennifer and feeling the grief over her loss more deeply this week than I’ve felt for a little while. Then we lost Dad rather unexpectedly three days ago. I wrote here last summer, about the loss of a dear childhood friend. That is a lot of losses in a relatively short span of time and today, I remind myself to just breathe when the weight of it all seems too much.

I think there are always some regrets about not spending enough time with a person who’s now gone. I have found myself lost in thought frequently this week, reminiscing about my childhood; going trapping or fishing with Dad, hanging out in the garage, keeping him company while he skinned muskrats (not as gross as you might think), Dad teaching me to play guitar, working with him at the mill in my early adulthood, just remembering what a fun dad he was when we were little. Of course, that then brings back memories of my grandparents, Dad’s parents, that are no longer here as well, and all the joyful times spent in grandma’s kitchen for family events. Then there’s the Sunday dinners at Dad’s house when he lived down the 12th with our stepmom, Rose, also no longer with us. Today, I am poignantly aware of their absence in my life. It is true that the grief will soften with time but it will never truly go away. It is a hallowed burden that slowly grows lighter as you learn to carry it with you for the rest of your days.

Jennifer’s birthday today is overshadowed by the death of my dad, but I like to think that the two of them are celebrating it together in the afterlife. I am missing them both very much. Maybe if I decide to go out today, I’ll stop by the bakery for a cake and by the liquor store for a nip of something, and tonight at my house, I will eat cake and raise a glass to toast my sister and my dad – always loved and never forgotten.

Sometimes you never know the true value of someone, until they become a memory.

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These were Jennifer’s favourite photos of her and Dad from our childhood.