Just wanted to share this with you all.
Category: Life Lessons Learned
Positive Expectations
Have you ever wondered about those people who seem to live under a rainbow with a horseshoe tied around their neck? The ones who are incredibly lucky and blessed? I used to, and then I realized that if I wanted to experience a better lot in life, my attitude towards it had to change. I was typically Canadian, quite polite but with a penchant for complaining. It seems we are all hard-wired for that kind of negativity, and it is a struggle not only to recognize it when you’re operating from that mindset, but also to do something about it.
Now, there are people who believe in the law of attraction. And there are people who believe in the power of prayer. And still more who believe in speaking forth their expectations and that God/Goddess/the Universe/magical beings will bring it into existence for them. At the core of each of these is the pronouncement of what one wants, and the action is believing they can have it. But does it work?
Well, I’ve done all of those, with varying results. I try to get my mind into the sphere of positivity and believing I am worthy of good things (which sometimes means giving myself a talking to, repeating a phrase over and over until my mind catches hold). Working on one’s positivity and optimism is always a good thing. It helps you see the blessings around you so you can be grateful, and it also helps you to realize that you have the ability to help others who aren’t perhaps as blessed or optimistic as you are. One way is to just be kind. It costs nothing and you can really make a difference in someone’s day. Don’t believe me? Treat a customer service associate with kindness and respect and watch their countenance turn from indifference to a smile.
The more you work towards optimism and gratitude, the more life seems to get a little sweeter and maybe even a little easier. Try to place your expectations upon positive things, instead of negative ones. Don’t say you’ll never be able to do this or have that, because if you’re saying it, it is probably going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy on your life.
Remember this: You are the authority in your life and your mind believes everything you tell it. So watch what you say about yourself, and start the process of saying and expecting good things, and see what happens!
Holiday Self-Care
I’ve been so busy the last few months, I haven’t given my usual thoughts to holiday planning. And here Christmas is two weeks away, and I haven’t got my shopping done, but I do have my tree up as of yesterday, so that’s off my list. I’ve enjoyed life being busier with my businesses expanding, but I have lacked time for myself. My husband is so great about reminding me to take time for myself. And sometimes I do. And sometimes, I don’t, even though I know I should. And this time of year is hectic, so something’s gotta give! Instead that ‘something’ being my free time, money I don’t have and my last nerve, maybe it’s the expectations that have to be reined in.
When it comes to the holidays, well, I used to try to give my family the whole Hallmark Christmas experience. The house and tree decorated merrily, baking for weeks beforehand in order to have a wide selection of goodies available, the thoughtfully purchased or handmade gifts, all meticulously wrapped and so on. Don’t get me wrong, these things are great if you have the time and inclination to do so, but if you don’t, then I’m giving you permission right now to just chill and do the basics that you feel you can accomplish. Sure, you want your family to enjoy a lovely holiday, but at what cost to you and your health? Some of the best holidays I remember were about being together, having a great time socializing and laughing, and not a lot of focus on the material aspects of the day. I realized that a Christmas dinner of turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes with one other side plus some brown ‘n serve buns and a pie was just as well received as one that included two meats, 6-7 sides and 6-7 dessert choices plus trays of squares and cookies. It’s a lot less work for me, which I appreciate, and people still leave the house stuffed and happy.
This holiday season, cut yourself a break. You don’t have to make it a Hallmark Christmas for everyone. It’s okay to scale back on the time you spend shopping and preparing, and it’s okay to scale back the money you spend because it’s not great for your mental health and stress levels to worry about how you’ll pay your debts in January if you overspend in December. Do what you can reasonably afford moneywise and timewise, and do it without the guilt. It’s your company and time spent with others that will be remembered more than trays of goodies and your overspending on gifts. It can be a lovely Christmas if you shift the focus to quality time with family and friends, instead of it being a time of self-sacrifice and stress!
Trauma Triggers
One thing I’ve noticed over the past couple of years is the number of people throwing around the word “triggered”, often in relation to speaking of “snowflakes”. I understand the mockery and lack of concern for those whom these people think are weak and whiny, but the word triggered is also used by those with ptsd and other traumas from their past that they are still dealing with. And many of these people are not ‘snowflakes’. These people have been to hell and lived to tell about it.
Sometimes it’s a topic, a name, a sight, a smell or a sound that is the trigger, and it usually has something to do with the act of trauma the person experienced. When something triggers the traumatized person, they are often forced to relive the trauma in their minds, or even in their bodies. Soldiers may react to fireworks that remind them of being shelled in the war. Talk of child abuse might be a trigger for someone who survived it. Church might a trigger for someone who was abused in a cult. A woman I know is triggered by the smell of cherry blossoms because of a sexual assault she experienced years ago. When these folks are triggered, the fears and memories of unhealed trauma come flooding back and can make it hard for them to cope in the moment. Some of these people have experienced abuse and horrors we cannot even begin to comprehend, and they deserve our compassion, not ridicule. Even the snowflakes because, can you really know what they have experienced or what trauma they are dealing with? Maybe some people don’t deal well with life because they’ve had it harder than you their whole lives but are still surviving despite lacking the skills needed to get past their past.
The reason I’m writing about this today is because out of the blue this morning, I read an article that ended up being a trigger for me, and found myself in tears about something that happened so many, many years ago. People who’ve been traumatized carry a little piece of that hell inside, and despite building a thick armor around it, those pesky triggers can be like kryptonite and blast through to that painful spot. This is why I advocate for being kind, always. You don’t know the hell, big or little, that other people carry in their lives. And if you have people you love in your life, I encourage you to be a safe person for them to be their true selves in your presence and a safe person to confide in. Those hells are a lot easier to bear when people are kind and our loved ones trustworthy enough to help carry our burdens.